Where Do Our Thoughts Come From?

If you slow down long enough, you’ll notice something surprising:

You don’t choose most of your thoughts.

They arrive.

A flash of embarrassment from ten years ago.
A quiet fear about your marriage.
A sentence that sounds suspiciously like your mother’s voice.

“I’m behind.”
“I should be further by now.”
“I’m too much.”

So where do these thoughts come from?

One of the most honest prayers in Scripture comes from David:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” — Psalms 139:23

Notice that phrase: my anxious thoughts.
David doesn’t deny having them. But He does invite the Lord to examine them. He is naming his thoughts exist without saying they are true.

Thoughts Form in Experience

Your brain is wired for efficiency and patterns. It builds shortcuts based on what has happened before. If you were frequently criticized as a child, your mind may now scan for mistakes before anyone else can find them.

I once worked with a woman who panicked anytime her supervisor emailed her after 5 PM. Her thought was immediate: “I’m in trouble.”

As we explored it, we traced it back to a father whose affection was conditional and whose criticism was sharp. In her nervous system, authority + uncertainty = danger.

The email wasn’t the problem. Her interpretation based on her experience was.

Your brain is not trying to sabotage you. It is trying to protect you using old data.

But old data does not always fit present reality.

Thoughts Form in Attachment

If love felt secure, your inner voice may be steady.

If love felt unpredictable, your thoughts may tilt anxious:

“They’re pulling away.”
“I need to fix this.”
“I must have done something wrong.”

These thoughts often sound like personality. In reality, they are adaptations we develop in order to protect ourselves.

The mind develops narratives that preserve connection. Even self-blame can feel safer than helplessness. If it’s my fault, at least I can change it. If you had some control over the issue, then you can also keep it from happening again.

Thoughts Are Shaped by Culture

We live in a world that measures worth constantly.

Busyness.
The purse you carry.
The car in the driveway.
The obedience of your children.

Eventually, external messaging becomes internal dialogue. And the voice becomes so familiar we forget it was ever learned. 

The appointments on our calendar don’t connect to our value. 

The stuff in our lives should not determine our worth. 

Thoughts Are Influenced by the Body

Sometimes what feels like a deep belief is simply a dysregulated nervous system looking for explanation. Sleep deprivation skews our interpretations negatively. Hormonal shifts intensify self-criticism. Chronic stress increases our reactivity and reduces our psychological flexibility. 

This is why David prays for God to search him. Not because he assumes he is corrupt but because he recognizes he cannot fully evaluate himself alone.

The invitation is gentle curiosity.

Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?”
Try asking, “Where did this thought come from?”

Origins explain thoughts.
They do not automatically validate them.

You are not your thoughts.
You are the one noticing them.

And noticing is the beginning of wisdom.